Friday, February 19, 2016

Dealing with insecurity

  We all battle insecurity at some level.  For some reason, we all want everyone to like us, and to want to be our friend.  When this doesn't happen we plunge into insecurity, wondering what is wrong with us.  Is it my looks, my humor, my clothes?  Do they not like the way I talk?  What's wrong with me?????

Early in life we are made aware of cliques, especially when we are not a part of one.   Usually people that belong to cliques deny their existence.  You are only fully aware of the clique if you are not a member.  There are cliques in school, and in church, sometimes even in families.

We all survived the exclusion, only to feel it again when we see our kids go through what we went through. Unless, of course, you were in the "in" crowd.  I never was.

What is unsettling about this kind of situation is that there is no real solution.  We cannot force people to like and accept us or our kids. It's so frustrating.  We (I) want to fit in, or at least never feel excluded.  I never want to see my kids left out.

I have come to wonder if cliques are the evidence of insecurity.  We all want to belong, and when we do, we want to make sure that we don't lose our place.  Thus, we have to make sure that others aren't welcome, as that would upset the balance in our little group in which we are now comfortable.  Of course, nobody actually says that. I don't even believe that they think that.  But, that's what the behavior says.   You see, a secure person is a welcoming person.  They are not threatened by anyone else's existence in the group.  They don't have to prove anything.

I cannot change others nor can I shake the nasty feelings of not being liked by those I think ought to like me.  But I can be secure enough to be kind to others.  To not exclude.  You don't have to be everyone's BFF, but at least you can be a friend.  You can say "hi."  You can include someone else in your conversation so that they are not left out.  You can smile. You can rid yourself of your own insecurities long enough to not create them in others.

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